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Online Dating - For better or worse

I honestly think that online dating is a waste of time. I have always found dating this way to be filled with many untruths. People are always hiding. Whether it’s behind profiles, pictures, or telephone conversations, they are never truthful about who they really are. The historical past of this form of dating has proven exactly this, hell they even made a show about it – it’s called Cat-fished. In one way, shape or form, haven’t we all been cat-fished?

Someone is always lying about something – from how they look down to how much money they have. Therefore, dating online has been so easy, because you can portray to be a certain version of yourself if you’re not fond of the real version.

Fast forward to the current pandemic we are all facing, we are now without recourse. The only real thing single people have left is this method of dating because we simply haven’t had the opportunity to meet someone in a real-life situation. Some say that this has wreaked havoc on the dating scene forever, while others truly believe that COVID has given people more perspective on life. Time to reflect and re-evaluate what’s truly important in one’s life – which includes finding an honest and meaningful relationship. Personally, I think this just gives the wolves a bigger playing field, but I digress.

According to the leaders of Tinder, Match, and Hinge dating sites, there has been a historic change in the dating world. Due to the pandemic, more singles now want a lifetime partner, rather than a fling. What’s even more surprising, 83% of singles want someone who is emotionally mature over someone who is physically attractive. It seems that the many lockdowns we’ve been forced into has given people a lot of time to really look at their lives and determine what things are the most important when looking for a partner. Apparently today, it’s just way cooler to have someone long term that you can depend on mentally, emotionally, and financially in your life - than a hot, different someone, laying in your bed for a night.

What’s more, is that people today prefer to be upfront and honest about what it is they’re looking for – as early as the first date. This will keep people from wasting one another’s time. If they’re wants and needs don’t match, they will know immediately.

I must admit to laughing, rather roaring out loud at these statistics. I honestly can’t believe this to be true. There have and always will be only 2 types of dating categories online: The long-term relationship and the casual encounters – end of story! I also bet that a large majority of the “casuals” are posing as “long-term seekers” playing that field simply to get laid.

People have been wasting one another’s time for centuries when it concerns dating. It’s just how the entire arena has been set up; some people can’t help themselves. I mean, why just stop at one person, when you have a buffet at your fingertips 24-7 that you can explore?

Why meet someone right away when you can string them along for months or years at a time? Claims about your phone’s camera not working, so you can’t send photos. That your device doesn’t allow for video chat; or even if it does, you’d rather not because it makes you uncomfortable. Promising someone time and time again that you will meet them, only to come up with yet another excuse as to why the meeting must be postponed – yet again. And my absolute favorite, ghosting. All things that online dating have either created or made perpetually worse.

I miss the 80’s and 90’s, when meeting people was simple. Say what you will, but I’d much rather meet people at a bar, a festival, or social outing than online any day!

Now, I’m not claiming that all stories of online love end in misery. There are so many wonderful and romantic ones that give us all hope. But sadly, the statistics on those happily ever after’s, hardly outweigh the disaster that awaits most of us.

I’ve been single again now for 4 months and continuously find myself in conversation with others about being “on the market” again. To be honest, I hate that terminology. On the market, off the market – what am I, an animal? With online dating, that saying kind of fits though. We are all just cattle in that world.

I don’t think I’m ready to start dating again. Not because I’m still mending my heart or think that all men are evil – quite the opposite. My heart is ready for love and the last thing I’m thinking of are all the men in the past that have done me wrong – truly their loss. I know that something amazing is waiting for me, after I’ve reached the peak of fully knowing what it means to love myself again. So, I’m patient and know that he’s out there waiting on me. But I sure hope he reads this and knows that I am certainly not looking forward to all that online stuff again. When the times right, I’ll probably take my chances meeting someone extraordinary through friends or in my city, when I’m out and about. But knowing me, I’ll just leave it up to chance.

Break-up’s suck! What’s more, I hate more failed relationships with people, who when looking back, just wasted my time.

Although, this post-relationship time has been special. I took time to heal myself in so many ways and learned a lot about my worth and respect and what love can truly mean when it’s right. One never feels good about a relationship ending but honestly, I know that this last one for me wasn’t ever meant for forever. It was but a seasonal journey to get me emotionally and spiritually ready to elevate me to another level of being. One of the biggest lessons that this last love has taught me was that love (if it’s real) is mutually open, honest, and forthcoming. Love cannot flourish if it’s not nurtured. I now know the love I am looking for, the one I deserve, is “out loud love”, “excited love”, “power-couple/proud love” and I will not stop until I find it. A kind of love that even if it must end someday, I can look back on it and be proud of it. Smiling over all the memories surrounding it. Knowing that I was truly a part of something special.

I have never been a believer of welcoming back past loves. I did that once and it was the worst mistake that I ever made in my life. It’s just not something I do anymore. I’m not about making the same mistakes; I’m about learning from them so that I can create a better life for myself. Why would you trust or invite someone back into your life who broke you, took pieces of you away like it was nothing to them, and try and rebuild things? There was a time for that trust to be restored, for them to fight for you but, if it wasn’t that important to them then, it should be important to you now.

I’ve learned an awful lot with each passing heartache and break up, for that I am truly grateful. But I’m through learning about broken promises and broken pieces - I’m ready for real intentions.

To all those out there who have loved and lost at love, take heart. You will live to love another day – online or otherwise.

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