Someone once said that there is no home for the living in the land of the dead.
Although I have heard it many times before, today this phrase gives me pause.
I thought about what my life would be like if I was never given the scenic route, through all the roads that I have traveled down. What it would be like to have things come easy and my efforts be fruitful the first time around - in all that I do. What if I had loved and never lost? Would I be more thankful? Would I be more grateful?
I think many people (including myself) make the mistake of wishing for things at the moment, that they have no business or real knowledge in asking for them. A kind of "be careful what you wish for" scenario is enough to make anyone wonder if we truly know what is best for us. That we may only want what is easy because it's less painful and takes less effort. That we value our own comfortability, instead of discovering what our real truth is.
And although all my life, I have always wanted and asked for my decisions to be clearly seen, it was never meant to be that way. For how can you ever see your true reflection in a glass that isn't cracked or broken? Only in a place of imperfection can true beauty ever be found.
So today, I ask for the strength to change my narrative and find thankfulness in all my struggles. Because it is only in a life filled with many different seasons, that we can truly find our greatness.
I will learn from now on to welcome all the broken moments, instead of fearing them. To understand that sometimes you must shatter into a million pieces, so you can be put back together again, in a stronger, more creative version of yourself - to carry you through what's to come. To have an understanding that it is within those moments that God does his best work in your life.
I will no longer be afraid of sharing my voice because my words are my truth. They give me the strength to share all my joys and pain, in hope that it will reach others and allow them the courage to do the same. I understand that at times it will make others uncomfortable and I welcome that because I'd much rather be a person who takes every opportunity to teach than to turn a blind eye to the world.
From now on, I will be thankful for my curiosity and inquisitive mind. I will no longer give myself a hard time over analyzing feelings and situations before they happen. But in the same respect, have an understanding that there is freedom in letting go. I will do this, so that I may never regret my thoughts, beliefs, or actions in this life. As there are many death-beds occupied by people, who have run out of time - filled with lost dreams and opportunities.
I will do my best to embrace the fear that has such a hold on my life and turn it into opportunity. To give myself the courage to push the envelope whenever it presents itself because greatness, freedom, joy, and love may be found on the other side. This may be my hardest battle. In acknowledging this, I will learn to ask for help when the darkness makes it difficult to see around to the other side.
Finally, I pray that God continues to be at work in my life. That he uses me. Molding, and shaping me through my adversities. That he gives me the courage to accept my life however it unfolds and graces me with the understanding to know that I do not have to be paralyzed by the emotions it may bring. I pray that he continues to fill my mind, heart, and spirit with an abundance of desires and dreams to change people's lives - creating the world that we were all meant to live in. And in all that, I ask that it not come easy. That my journey remains as scenic as possible. So that I may always have something to look forward to, and a reflection to be thankful for.
There is no home for the living in the land of the dead. May I always remember this when the darkness becomes too much to take. That the one reflection that always comes back to my mind is that I want to live more than anything - especially during the times that I feel like I want to die.