The Dating War

Dating. It's a conversation that never gets old. So what is it about dating that has us so incredibly fascinated? It's an engaging conversation that will capture anyone's attention in a hurry.

No matter what, I just don't think men and women will ever be equals in the dating world. It's just too complicated. We have our own rules and well, men have theirs and neither group is willing to give them up! It's a game at best and if you're willing to play, let it be known that only the strongest survive.

The story I'm about to tell you isn't a dating story per se, but rather a banter between the sexes.

It was a lazy Friday night, in the middle of winter. A few girlfriends and I decided to head down to "Café Diplomatico" on College Street, in downtown Toronto. The Four of us were sitting there, sipping our lattes and minding our own business, when we caught the attention of the group of guys sitting next to us. We were laughing and carrying on about men in our city and how crazy the dating scene always seemed to be. We took turns sharing stories and experiences that we had with men and hadn't really noticed just how loud we had become. Enjoying ourselves and being so wrapped up in our own conversation, we barely noticed them at first. Until one of them decided to share their own opinion on the subject to us out loud.

"It's because you women don't have a clue what you really want, from one minute to the next"

That was the first comment that came across. Instinctively followed by:

" All you women want are long term relationships. You never just "go with the flow" God forbid women can just ride it out - to see what happens next"

Which led to women from other tables coming over and chiming in with their perspective.

After an hour of discussion, I cannot say that anything was really resolved. We all parted ways more frustrated, and left the conversation claiming irreconcilable differences.

I left the cafe thinking men and women really don't get along. I was frustrated at men for their narrow-minded thinking and at women for thinking that the only way to get a man was to beat them at their own game.

Take men for instance. They're so afraid of labels, like "relationship" or "marriage" that they avoid them at all costs. They want to "take things slow" and don't wish to rush into anything. But, they're all ready to jump into bed, the same day they meet us. That things like kissing and sex (two things that are extremely personal and intimate between two people), don't hold the same "rushing merit". Apparently, it's only rushing when it threatens their opportunity to bed as many randoms as possible or the ability to serial date.

Some men just can't make up their minds! They don't want to be in relationships, and they will never become serious with a woman who does play it cool and experiments with her own sexuality - yet men do it all time. A woman keeps her options open and tries to "feel out the field" by dating more than one man at a time and she's labeled an easy whore. Men do it and they are just labeled as single and not looking for any commitments at the moment. So as women, we are either too serious and clingy or too easy and promiscuous. We just can't win with you guys!!!

Then you have "some" women's agendas. Confused about their own self-worth, so they join a dating site to feel desirable again. They go on as many random dates as possible for the expensive drinks and dinners, never to call these men again - while moving on to the next guy. Or the opposite happens. They are still carrying sins and baggage from all their previous breakups and heartaches, that they scare off any potential suitor with their insecure, clingy, horror show ways - leaving men to running for the hills. Sadly, these are just a few examples of what's happening out there today.

But we are not to all equal in the eyes of the dating scene, so we cannot be painted with the same brush equally. Sometimes, that's truly the tough part to get past. We all have feelings and pasts. Some of us go through relationships and come out unscathed, while the rest carry pain within ourselves forever. It's hard to let someone love you or at least let them in long enough to figure out if there's some sort of spark there, but what's the alternative? A life of serial dating and bed-hopping? Going from one meaningless date to another?

The more I study this subject, the more I feel as though us single folk are trying to fill voids of emptiness with more emptiness. Only, we're either too macho or too sad to see it.

The dating situation in 2020 is nothing more than a cry for help, from both sides. It's full of men and women simply playing games, trying to "one-up" each other. We all think we are better than one another and the buffet of opportunities that all of these online dating sites offer isn't helping the situation. It's only inflating our egos further.

The time of finding love is slowly falling away, making the new wave of casual hooks up and sex the new heroin of our era. Even saying the word love in this world is enough to make others laugh. Who says they're looking for love anymore? You can't! Unless, you're willing to be laughed out of the room. SEX! That's what everyone is talking about now. We want it, we obsess over it and will stop at nothing to get it. But, what are we really getting at the end of the day? Many more notches on our bedposts, more wounds in our hearts, and meaningless people, floating in and out of our lives as they see fit. Hell, some don't even feel it necessary to say goodbye, they just pick up their things and move on - without a word.

Now I ask you, how on earth can any of this feel right? How can what we are doing fulfill us in the long run? Sadly, we all feel too young and too invisible to care about it now. But, we will someday, when we are old and alone with no meaningful person to share our lives, histories and stories with. Only then will we look back and realize just how stupid this all was and wished there was a different outcome. By then, it will be too late. Then, we'll only have ourselves to blame.