The Loneliness of Becoming

Becoming who you are meant to be is one of the loneliest things you will ever do.

Nobody talks about that part. They tell you about the transformation, the success, the peace that comes with healing—but they don’t tell you about the nights you sit alone, questioning everything. The friendships that quietly fade because you no longer speak the same language. The empty spaces in your life that used to be filled with people, habits, and conversations that no longer fit.

They don’t tell you how grief sneaks in—not for people who have passed, but for the versions of yourself that you had to bury. The ones who stayed small to keep others comfortable. The ones who tolerated mistreatment because it felt safer than being alone. The ones who belonged to places and people who can no longer meet you where you are.

Because the truth is, becoming isn’t just about growth. It’s about loss.

It’s about sitting in silence where there used to be noise and realizing that peace can be just as unsettling as chaos when you’re not used to it. It’s about watching relationships shift—sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once—and understanding that not everyone who started with you is meant to go where you’re headed. It’s about mourning the comfort of familiarity, even when you know that what’s ahead is better than what’s behind.

It’s about learning that solitude isn’t the same as loneliness.

For a while, it will feel like it is. You will wonder if you’re doing something wrong. You will question if this is what healing is supposed to feel like. You will sit in spaces where you used to belong and feel like a stranger. You will search for the old versions of yourself in people who no longer recognize you, in places that no longer hold you, and in moments that no longer fit.

But then something will shift.

You will wake up one day and realize that the loneliness is not as sharp as it once was. That the silence you once feared now feels like freedom. That you are no longer waiting for people to understand you—you are simply walking your path, knowing that the right ones will find you along the way.

Because they will.

The ones who meet you where you are, who see you as you are now—not as you used to be. The ones who don’t make you feel like you have to shrink to be loved. The ones who understand that growth doesn’t mean abandoning your past, but honoring it by stepping fully into your future.

If you’re in the middle of the loneliness right now, if you’re feeling like you’ve lost more than you’ve gained, if you’re questioning whether the road you’re on is worth it—hold on.

This is not the end of your story.

One day, you will look around and realize that the life you once dreamed of is the life you are living. That the loneliness made space for the right people. That the things you let go of were necessary losses, not mistakes.

And that becoming—though lonely at times—was always leading you home to yourself.

"We are continuously and forever becoming newer versions of ourselves - enjoy the process." - Gia Laurent