It never ceases to amaze me just how deeply I have fallen in awe of my mother over the years. She is the deepest part of all that I am. Her essence creates and molds me into greatness, every day of my life.
When I look back at my younger years, I often laugh at my behavior toward her. Continuously, I was the devilish little girl getting into mischief and always rebellious. I fought with all my might to get away from the ideals she taught because I was so afraid of losing myself in her. Scared that I wouldn't find my own way in this world if I was following hers. Nowadays, I pray that I can become a fraction of the woman she is. Ironic how things play out.
We are so much alike and I didn't even realize it. Our voices, our kindness, our love for everything and everyone around us. The softness and care that we take in all that we do. It's remarkable. Remarkable because for the longest time I didn't believe that we were anything alike. Now that I'm grown, all I hear is how similar we are, from others. What once made my nose crinkle, now makes me smile.
To My Dearest Mom:
You once heard my heartbeat within you and because of that, I now forever hear yours within mine. I sometimes joke with you about how demure, ladylike, and humble you are - but the truth is those are qualities I adore most about you. I may be fiery and vocal but the heart that beats in me is soft and shy, just like yours.
I would never change a single thing about you because all of it makes up the extraordinary woman and mother that you have always been to me. Even in times when I didn't care to see it or deserved who you were, your love was unwavering.
You always shake your head when I tell you that I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I have always tried to live on my terms, in my own way-unapologetically. This was never an easy thing for you to accept. As much as it always hurt you, you allowed me to make my own mistakes and be my own person. You had the courage and the strength to let me become my own woman -even when it frightened you.
You've always been protective of me and I was angry about that for a long time. I suppose that I saw it negatively, as you not trusting my judgment - like I wasn't capable of making my own way in this world all by myself. Now I know differently. A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the entire world. I realize now that it is your divine animal right to protect me at any cost. You have always loved me that way, and I know that if I had been blessed with my own children, I would be very much the same.
I'm sorry for all the tears you watched me cry. All the sarcasm and my many "Little, Miss now at all" remarks. For all the different pitches and tones in my voice that ever made you feel small, silly, or insignificant. For all the explanations you felt were necessary to make in my defense or honor. All the wars that you had to fight on my behalf. I know a mother's love is unconditional, but you didn't deserve all the wars you had to battle for me. And yet, you never once complained or made excuses for who I was. You worried in silence but to the rest of the world you always had this "Yes, that's my daughter" attitude and proud of the fact that in all aspects of my life, I chose to be a Sheppard than a sheep.
You've always called me a dreamer and that is why God takes me on the scenic route of life. You've cried for me many times, asking him why he gave me so many heavy crosses to bear - how unfair it all was. That always hurt me, more than you could know. The truth is, I embrace that the destiny of a dreamer is very different than that of others. For only a dreamer could ever truly appreciate all the beauty and splendor of this world. That sometimes, although the road less traveled is rarely taken and most painful, it's truly the only road I would ever choose. God has always known that. My roads have made you worrisome at times, even tearful, but always know that I'm ok and have your love (and his) to guide me through.
Dad may be the keeper of my heart but only you, dear Mother, will ever be the essence of my soul.
I love you beyond all reason and measure
Happy Mother's Day!