This is the place I dwell in, some happy days and some bad ones. If you lived here, you’d know where I come from, you’d know what I’ve seen.
You’d see my seasons, and you’d know my demons. Just enough hate, mixed with just enough love. But, never having enough to experience joy from one
or freedom from the other.
This kind of feeling leaves one unsettled, never knowing what you’re going to find. In one instance you wish nothing more than to allow yourself the opportunity to explore it all but the uncertainty of it all, makes you afraid to let go. Because you never really know what you’ll be falling into. Stuck between a realm of words and action. Which both, in their own way, have killed the passion inside me – over and over again. Leaving blurred lines, of any sure path that I should follow.
I am starved for love and this feeling can never really be put into words. I keep myself hungry for it, praying that someday that need will be fed. Yet, I don’t keep much faith that I will ever be full of it. So many, many reasons to doubt love, that it hurts too much to speak of. The good things and the bad things, have taken care of that. Each one blocking my heart in their own way.
I crave so much to erase the lines that I have set in this life and begin again. Wanting so badly to blur them to become more balanced. Just a tiny bit more one way than the other perhaps, so that I can feel whole again.
We are all a product of some kind of brokenness inside of ourselves. Because of this, it leads us down a blurry road, where nothing ever makes sense of seems clear again. If your road is anything like my road, I shall pray for us both that everything soon will come into focus.