Dearest Lou Lou :
6-days away from our 48th birthday. God, what a hellish year it's been. 47 in the year 2021 has proven to be the worst year ever, and that's saying a lot considering the life we've had. But of course, you know nothing about that, because you're only 11. Yet, before I leave this year behind, I wanted to write to you. This is something that I've thought about doing for a few years now, but it just never seemed to be the right time. As I sit here writing this to you, in the early morning hours, I understand why I waited until now to do so.
Now, if I know you like I know I do, you're sitting there reading this, all curled up and your stomach in knots, because of how I chose to start off this letter. It all sounds grim. Well, I'm here to tell you that life may not have always been easy for us, but the good news is we are experts at doing hard things. Our life has been made up of really great moments, that have seen us through all the not-so-great ones. Either way, we have always risen with grace.
I really loved the years between 5 to 8, and then at 11 and 18. Those were some of our most perfect years. Although, I have this amazing feeling that 48 is going to be magical. But, we shall see.
I know that the last 2 years were so confusing for you and that he made you feel dirty; like everything was your fault - but it wasn't. Nothing that happened was your fault. I need you to understand this with all your heart. You're a kid and it's not a child's responsibility to protect themselves from harm - that's an adult's job. I hate that he looked at you and explored his curiosity in ways that only adults should. He took something from you, yes, but none of that was because you did something wrong. You were the innocent one - you still are. You will sadly have to see him on and off for the rest of your life but, NEVER shy away or let that fire burn out from your eyes when you do. He was wrong, he was bad, he did horrible things. That disgusting feeling should always live inside of him - not you. So, let it go now. I promise you that there will come a time when you will have your voice, and he will pay for what he did in both karma and conscience. If you do this, you will always stand tall and know that no man will ever have any power over you, ever again. But you must let it go because if you don't, it will always hurt you.
Throughout this life, the most important thing that I can tell you is that you always need to keep and find your peace - no matter what happens! Don't ever lose yourself in the things that others do or say to you. Doing so will only give them power and diminish yours. And let me be the first to say that you possess so much power, so never be afraid to own it.
You are more incredible than you will ever know. The light that radiates from inside your soul is something so beautiful and so pure - never lose that. The very essence of you is good, so you will always have the desire and urge to do good things. This is how God created you. The devil will always try to tell you differently and steer you in other directions but know that you are worthy, loved, and built for good.
You do remember God, right? Don't look down or roll your eyes, Missy! Believe in him! Believe with all your heart, soul, and mind; because faith is the only thing that will get you through everything! I know, I know. Your faith is being tested right now, and it will be a few more times as you get older. There will be some things that happen that won't make any sense. How can a God that's supposed to love you, make you hurt so bad? Why do bad things happen? Believe me when I tell you that life is not easy, and it won't always be. But remember, I've already told you that we can do hard things. Things are not always as they seem either, and you will come to see that for yourself. Everything happens for a reason, it just may take some time to understand, that's all. Faith in someone (or something) is always easy to have when everything is going well and you're happy, but if you can learn to keep the same kind of faith when things aren't so good - that is where the true power lies. Learn this lesson now, and you will always be at peace. This will probably be the hardest challenge.
You must understand that your happiness is yours to create. It comes from within you, and cannot be found in someone or something else. Only you have the power to create, maintain and fill yourself with all the happiness you desire - remember that! Now, there will be moments in the future when you are almost certain that the only way to achieve the highest level of happiness is to complete yourself by being in a relationship - but this is absolutely not true. You must always be complete and happy on your own first. Only then can others come in to add and share that with you. It doesn't happen the other way around. Please understand this. If you don't then you will never have what you want most - love. You must always protect your heart. Always know that no one can ever take from you what you already have. The love, respect, and happiness you give yourself first can never be tainted by anyone else. Don't wait to find it elsewhere.
God will also bring people into your life and then take them away, but it will never be your fault. This Lou Lou will hurt like hell. It may make you think that it's not worth getting close to people or loving them, but you're wrong. Loving people is your superpower. You will always be drawn to others. You will always want to help people and make everyone's life better - and you do in so many ways. The way you love is indescribable. It's like watching God himself at work! So when people leave you, don't give up - no matter how bad it hurts. Some people will definitely test you, but know that it was all meant for your good - whether you believe it now or not. Through it all, it's going to be so important that you understand that no matter what happens, the universe is not trying to punish you. Life is just that way. Everyone was meant to step into your path, stay or move out of the way. Either way, they will always teach you something about yourself that you never knew before, so pay attention and learn from it. You will need these lessons to grow.
I have always admired how curious you are about everything. I love that! Never lose your adventure or thirst for knowledge. It will serve you well in life. There will come a time when fears and anxiety will try to take over - fight them. They cannot win!
Never let anyone tell you that you can't do or be something - ever! Let their negativity and small-mindedness wreak havoc in their own lives, not yours. Don't waste your time trying to explain your dreams and love for things to people who can't understand. Passion is one's heart and is embedded in them from creation. It cannot be forced. I heard a saying this year that is so fitting with what I'm saying to you here, and it goes something like this:
"A bee does not waste its' time trying to explain to a fly why honey is better than shit."
(it is now my absolute favorite saying). Always keep that in mind, when someone is trying to belittle you or what you love. You just can't change stupid!
Regardless of what you hear your mom and dad say, don't ever be embarrassed or ashamed to be emotional and cry. You cry your ass off, whenever you have to. It will always make you feel better and help you to deal with what's happening. You are ( and will always be) a girl who is in touch with her feelings - and that's amazing! In time, this will make you a powerful communicator with all people. Because you understand yourself so well, it will give you the ability to understand and help others. Again, another superpower that you will always possess. People will always come to you for help, and you will help them. This will always be something magical to see. Here is where your purpose lies.
You love reading, writing, and music. I am happy to say that this never changes. In fact, they always remain the truest loves of your life. You are such an artistic soul and continue to be. You become a singer for a while, write some songs, and hell we even make a movie in the future!!! It's all so incredible. All talents came from your heart at a very young age. But the one that you didn't see right away is the one thing that makes you rare - your writing. This is how all your superpowers unfold. It is how people come to find you, how strangers connect with you, and how you even save lives. It's so cool.
Don't shy away from being silly, laughing too hard, or just voicing your opinion. You are anything but shy, Lou Lou. So, always feel free to be yourself. Don't ever imitate, create!
Oh, and speaking of creating, you sort of re-create yourself halfway through your life. You even change your name. It starts off as a name you create to publish your writing through (yes, you become an author), but it becomes so much more than that after a life-altering moment you battle through. It is within this moment that you actually give birth to this new person. You will call her Gia Laurent. Now, many won't understand. The family will even make fun of it, or get very angry about this - claiming that it's disrespectful. As you know, your birth name was given for religious reasons. Reasons that you come to hold so close to your heart as you grow older. But don't be afraid, because you will not mean any disrespect. Not to the family and not to God. You see, God already understands. He was the one who ordained the entire thing. It's the humans in our lives that need to catch up. But just so you know how to explain it when they ask, here's what to say:
" I am moving to a new plateau in my life and I wanted to make some changes to mark this occasion. One of the most important ways in which I am doing so is by changing my name to signify that I have evolved from who I used to be - divorcing me from the past. Although I give thanks for who I was and all the lessons I learned and used to become who I am, I finally feel safe and free to move forward from that person and toward the person I was always meant to be. The person God chose me to be. He chose this path for me, he chose this name for me. This is my destiny."
They may understand, they may not - but it's not your problem. Other people's opinion of you (or what you do) is none of your business. You just keep marching on, Girl. You know that Lou Lou will always live in your heart. She was who you were born as, but morphed into a superbeing in order to fulfill a higher calling. You will always give thanks to her and be grateful for her. For she walked through many fires and slid down many rainbows to get you to another place. She is the soldier that went to war and came out the other side. But as you know, with all wars, no one comes out the same. No one comes out untouched from what they've seen, experienced, or lived through. This is no different. Sometimes in life Lou Lou, you have to watch something die, in order to give birth to something else. I hope this all makes sense to you. It may not now, but it will. Oh, it will.
No matter what happens, know that you are a beautiful, vibrant, amazing, loving, creative and fun person. Don't ever be too afraid to try something out of the ordinary, too self-conscious to speak what's in your heart, to have a voice, to help others, or to feel anxious or scared - about anything. Most importantly, fear not because God is with you. Your light should never be dimmed - shine bright forever!
I never want you to have feelings of self-doubt or unworthiness because you are truly one of a kind. I know you struggle with fear and it keeps you from experiencing things you really want, but please stop. Having fear is necessary sometimes. It will always have its' place in life, but don't let it ruin yours. Be free, cuz no one is really watching all the time, we just imagine they are. And when they are (watching) make sure you give them one hell of a fuckin show!!
Oh and yes, we swear... A lot! It only gets worse with time. But, don't worry about it. We always demonstrate enough poise, lady-like mannerisms, and class to overshadow it all. Besides, we are also intelligent enough to understand that "swear words" are only words. Only ways of expression. We are creative energies, after all, we mean no harm. Again, only things we need to explain to people who just don't get it anyway! So stop trying to!
All I really wanted to write and say was that I love you, so much! You are going to grow up to be one bad-ass female, who changes the world. A woman who will come to their death bed knowing that she made a difference and made life better - both for herself and everyone else. Someone who lived their dreams and made shit happen - all things considered. Sure, there will be some regrets and wrong turns taken along the way, but all of them were learned from and used to rise. You won't be someone leaving behind a few humans, birthed from her own body, but make no mistake that your legacy will forever live on in the hearts of everyone you've touched. Forever known for your stories and words, intelligence, strength, and resilience that helped to fuel others and level them up.
I hope you write back some time. Stay Strong!
